雙語(yǔ)：愛(ài)情中 你是拒絕還是接受？

Most people don't naturally think they reject love. By learning what behaviors we engage in that push away our partner, we can really start to change these behaviors and shift the dynamics of our relationship.

多數(shù)人并不認(rèn)為自己在拒絕愛(ài)。要了解我們哪些行為把我們的伴侶推開(kāi)了，我們才能真正改變這些行為，改變戀愛(ài)的現(xiàn)狀。

1. Withholding

1、有所保留

As people get closer to each other in relationship, their fears of intimacy can start to turn them against themselves, and in order to create distance, they start to withhold the qualities their partner valued most.

戀愛(ài)中，隨著關(guān)系愈加親近，懼怕親密會(huì)讓人背離自己，為了增加距離感，對(duì)于伴侶尤為珍視的品質(zhì)人們會(huì)開(kāi)始有所克制。

2. Shutting down

2、黯然不語(yǔ)

Our defenses can lead us to become inward or act cold, finding millions of excuses not to interact with someone we love. We stop engaging in loving acts and we may even outright reject our partner by avoiding spending time together.

我們對(duì)人設(shè)防會(huì)導(dǎo)致自己變得封閉內(nèi)向，表現(xiàn)得冷漠，找出數(shù)百種理由不和我們所愛(ài)的人交流。我們不再示愛(ài)，甚至拒絕我們的伴侶， 避免與之共度時(shí)光。

3. Becoming overly critical

3、過(guò)分挑剔

The more extreme side is starting to actually pick at our partner. We start to have an unfavorable picture of our partner and our relationship. We start to see our relationship as more of a mathematical problem.

更為極端的一面是，我們開(kāi)始對(duì)愛(ài)侶橫挑鼻子豎挑眼，對(duì)戀愛(ài)前景頗不看好。我們更多地把戀愛(ài)關(guān)系視為數(shù)學(xué)問(wèn)題。

4. Putting form over substance

4、重形式不重本質(zhì)

So many couples say they are in love but proceed to treat each other with a disregard or disrespect. We should make our actions match our words and keep engaging in acts that our partner would perceive as loving.

太多的情侶稱他們?cè)趹賽?ài)中，但卻彼此漠視、互不尊敬。我們應(yīng)該言行一致、愛(ài)意滿滿地對(duì)待伴侶。

5. Picking fights

5、找茬拌嘴

All couples will face conflicts and difficult issues to resolve, as any two people with two sovereign minds will. However, there are times when we start to nag or provoke our partner more frequently or out of the blue. These actions serve no other purpose than to actually push our partner away.

所有愛(ài)侶都會(huì)有沖突，會(huì)有難題要解開(kāi)，但凡思想獨(dú)立的兩個(gè)人都會(huì)這樣。然而，也有的時(shí)候我們開(kāi)始嘮叨，動(dòng)不動(dòng)就刺激我們的伴侶、發(fā)起挑釁。這些舉動(dòng)只會(huì)讓伴侶和我們疏遠(yuǎn)。

We can take an open stance and find the root causes of our fears or resistance to intimacy. Ultimately,we can be persistent in our effort to make love a priority and to keep it alive and well in our lives.

我們應(yīng)姿態(tài)開(kāi)明，找到我們恐懼親近、抗拒親密的根源。最重要的是，我們要持之以恒，讓愛(ài)在生命中占首要地位。